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It was never my plan to be an older Mummy. I’d always thought that I would have my children in my 30s. But life doesn’t always go the way we plan does it? And in May 2015 I found myself being pregnant at 43.
I was pregnant at 43 naturally. Here is how I found my pregnancy, and how I have taken to being an older mum.
*Updated – This post was first published in August 2018
Contents
Pregnant at 43 Naturally – Being an Older Mum
In 2014 I had practically given up on dating. I’d split up from a long term relationship in 2011 when I was 39, and spent most of 2012 going on disastrous and ridiculous dates. I’d even spent time in a toxic relationship with a psychopathic man who left me feeling lower in self esteem than I had ever felt.
I started to think that I would never meet anyone again, let alone have a family. I had always thought that I’d get married, have children. Things didn’t seem to be going according to my plans at all.
Then, in the summer of 2014 I met Andrew. It all seemed so right. We talked very seriously about our future, but I was very aware of my age and how this might be against us having a family.
Body Problems
Furthermore, my body seemed to be reminding me of how old I was. My periods were becoming irregular, and this worried me that at 42 I may be entering the menopause. I went to my GP who referred me to my local hospital gynaecology department.
There, the consultant basically told me that at my age I was going to struggle getting pregnant. I seem to recall that his exact words were
“Halle Berry is an exception and not the rule”
Dismayed by this sentiment, I passed on these words to Andrew. And we decided that we needed to start trying straight away for a family, even though we had only been together 6 months.
Getting Pregnant at 43 Naturally
A couple of months went by, and I still hadn’t conceived.
I used ovulation strips to test whether I was ovulating, these were really good. The gynaecologist also commented that I wouldn’t be ovulating every month any more, and would be lucky to be ovulating once in 3 months.
I really wanted to make sure we were doing all we could to maximise our chances, but it all seemed a bit much. A GP friend who is a year younger than me had just had a baby. She told me that they had been trying for years.
A bit of good news was that my brother and his wife announced that they had got pregnant after 8 years of trying and several IVF treatments. Whilst I was incredibly happy for them I secretly hoped that it wouldn’t be the same for us.
To find the cause of my irregular periods they did blood tests and ultrasounds. When no cause could be found they then did a hysteroscopy, where a small camera is pushed into the womb to check the womb lining. They found a small lump or polyp and this was removed. (And luckily this turned out to be benign)
By the end of the next month I found out that I was pregnant. We were so delighted. And then, when reality set in we were also absolutely terrified!
Being Pregnant at 43
My pregnancy was uneventful, thank goodness. Apart from a bit of food poisoning early on.
I had minimal morning sickness. I was however worried about my weight. As you may have read, I have always had weight issues, but when I got pregnant I weighed over 15 stones. Not ideal.
Thankfully it wasn’t made an issue of by the midwife nor the consultant obstetrician. My age worried them far more. I was amused when the midwife put in my notes that I was an ‘elderly primigravida’. Way to make me feel old!
At 12 weeks I went public at work with the news. Most of my colleagues were delighted. But I was slightly bemused by some of my patient’s comments. “Was it planned?” was a regular question from some of my patients.
I wondered why they said this. Was it because I am older? It did make me chuckle.
However, I was less amused when I received a phone call from a hospital midwife around the 12 week mark discussing the increased risks of Down’s Syndrome.
I was offered extra tests, as statistically women over 40 have a greater chance of having a baby born with Downs. I refused the tests. There are risks associated with having the tests, and I did not wish to risk my pregnancy in the slightest. Nor would the outcome of the test have changed me having the baby.
Later Stages of being Pregnant
I felt great in the second trimester of pregnancy. I had tonnes of energy, and did lots of planning for the nursery, and buying of the things that our new baby would need. See some of the things that I can recommend, and what I wouldn’t waste money on.
However when the third trimester came around, I really started to feel achy and weary. I am pretty sure my age didn’t help with the way that I felt.
I had been told I had an anterior placenta. This meant that my placenta was placed to the front of my stomach. The placenta is normally more towards the back behind the baby. My anterior placenta meant that I felt much less baby movements than normal.
And to top it all off, my extra weight also hindered being able to feel my baby move.
I was very scared at this lack of movement, and my anxiety made the last few weeks of my pregnancy very stressful.
At the end of the day I was very thankful when the consultant agreed that due to my age, weight and complications I should be induced at 38 weeks.
Two days after my 44th Birthday, my little girl was born. Pregnant at 43 – Mummy at 44.
Now I look back and realise how absolutely lucky we were. I naturally conceived at 43, which is quite miraculous. Also, I truly believe that if I hadn’t had the polyp removed that the right conditions wouldn’t have been there. Who knows, I could’ve still been trying?
However
Trying for a second child after my first was beset with all kinds of issues. Being older, I didn’t heal as quickly. I ended up suffering adhesions after my caesarean section.
We did try, but it did not work for me having a second child. So I finally came around to accepting the fact that I was only going to have one child.
Being an older mum is tiring. I do sometimes feel too old for it all. But its is what it is. I am just glad to have been given the chance to have a child, even if it had to be in my 40s.
Have you had a child in your forties?
How have you found it all? I would love to hear your stories. Do comment below, or contact me on social media.
Enjoyed this? Why not read about my Birth Story
Or read my Ultimate guide to Post C-section care – whether your caesarean was elective or otherwise.
And please do pin this for later.
Thank you for sharing this. Gives me hope. 🙂
Thank you for your comment Stacey. There really is hope. I found my Mr Right at 42 and had baby perfect within 18 months. Sometimes life can throw everything at you.
I have very similar circumstances…left a 20 year marriage, met current partner and decided to try after 4 months and I was 43 also, happened the 1st month! I have 2 older boys too…21 & 27 and it has been so different this time around, pregnancy was awful, midwives were shocking
so refused care, yes I’m knackered, yes my body is worn out BUT I have way more patience, life experience and a new found love for life! We had a totally unassisted birth with just me and my partner by choice at home and so wish I’d of had the courage to do this with my other births! We will see how I cope being an older Mum but it’s looking positive so far!
Aw this is lovely to hear! Cherish every moment with your little one!
Ahh this is a lovely story to share Jo. What a gorgeous little girl Elizabeth is too. Just the absolute double of you, and an incredibly lucky girl to have you as her mummy.
It’s so lovely to see you finally so happy!
Lots of love my long lost friend xxx
Aw, thank you Amanda. It’s a strange path that life takes us, isn’t it? I just feel so blessed right now. Lovely to see you doing so well too, gorgeous lady xxx
I had my daughter when I was 38 and like yourself, I refused the tests for Down’s Syndrome, the thought of them just scared me, luckily she was fine. I’m now on my own and have yet to meet a Mr Right! To be honest I put all my efforts into looking after my daughter and haven’t really been looking.
Being an older mum comes with it’s own pros and cons I have discovered. I just count myself as very lucky to have my little family. As for being in that dating pool…I do not envy you (if you do ever feel like looking, that is). I’m sure that there is a whole book in my dating disaster stories!
Thank you Sophie! x
I had my first daughter at 41 and second at 43. I didn’t feel old, but do now when taking them to school – now aged 8 and 10. I am ten or fifteen years older than most of their friend’s parents. Uneventful pregnancies except for five months of daily vomiting with my first daughter. Both born elective c section due to fibroids blocking the exit. They are very energetic, amazing, high achieving girls. I would advise having babies around 30 or 35 Just from the point of view that you will have more energy and not be quite as old when they get to uni. But I hadn’t met Mr right at that point. However I am actually fitter now than I was at 35.
Thank you for reading, and I totally agree RE: the energy. Like you, I didn’t find Mr Right until I was in my 40s, but yes, I wish I’d have found him about 8 years before!
This is such a lovely post! I’m so glad you found love and became a mummy too! It’s funny how unexpected life can turn out. I wish you and your family all the happiness and thank you for sharing your story xx
Thank you for your comment Bexa. You are so right. Life has completely changed for me, but it’s a very good thing! X
So happy for you that you got your little girl! Your story resonated with me as I had my daughter at 41. All my (10 years younger!) mummy friends are having number 2 now and I can’t help but be a little envious but then remind myself I’m lucky to have one healthy and thoroughly mischievous little girl.
Thank you Ruth. I do think as more women have careers we are waiting longer and having children later. I think it’s no bad thing, but yes, I also feel a little envious of my friends with two children. Like you I’m just feeling incredibly lucky to have my gorgeous girl though. X
Congrats!!!!! I am 31 and am far from ready to have kids. I am jealous of those with kids but I think it is good to live your life a little before having them.
Tiana/ fablemoonsays.com
I totally agree. At 31 I was also not ready for children. I had just started making my mark on the world. There are pros and cons to leaving having children until later in life, and I can certainly agree with doing all the things for you first. Thank you for your comment.
Hi Jo so pleased you got your little girl. My son and daughter in law got pregnant first pregnancy when my daughter in law was 42 Ava was born in Oct 2016 and will be 2 this Oct and is such a joy to everyone. Lots of love from chris and James hope you are well xx
Aw, thank you Chris. I do feel so blessed to have E. It’s lovely to have a little person around, as I’m sure you know with Ava. They are so funny at 2. Lots of love to yourself and James xx
Thanks for sharing. I had my little girl at 39 and worried I’d left it too late. It took us a while to conceive but managed it naturally and had a relatively easy pregnancy, but I think the lack of sleep would have been easier to deal with when I was younger
Oh I agree. The lack of sleep and being less supple has been my downfall definitely! We now go to bed at 9pm some nights!
I’m so glad everything worked out for you I’m a firm believer that everything happens when it’s supposed to! x
Oh I agree. I’ll always believe that everything happens for a reason, and usually things turn out for the best!
Lovely story! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for reading!
Aw I’m so glad it worked out for you. I had unexplained inferility and it took 8 years to have my daughter aged 36. We gave up after failed IVF and got pregant naturally after stopping to try. Now I’m 40 and baby 2 does not look likely for me. We are chosing to go down the adoption route instead unless something happens in the very near future! I’ve had it with tests though. x
I am so happy that you finally got your little girl! We have tried for baby number 2 but it hasn’t happened. What will be will be. Thank you for reading x
What a happy story!
Enjoy being a mommy, kids are awesome!
I so enjoy being a mummy. My life has totally changed, and it it great! X
What a wonderful post – congratulations! #MummyMonday
Thank you. We are very blessed x
Wow, what a great post! I’m so please for you that you finally got the baby you wished for and that your pregnancy was pretty straight forward. #MummyMonday
Thank you. My other half would say I was awfully anxious by the end, but we got a gorgeous girl, so it was worth it!
I too am an “older” mummy. I had my 1st baby at 38 and my youngest who is now 7 months old at 40. I conceived naturally with no problems with both. I found pregnancy hard, but I was in good health. I’m so pleased you got your chance to have a baby and become a mum. #MummyMonday
Thank you Leah. I personally found that the healing after pregnancy was harder as I was older. And I really didn’t cope well with the sleep deprivation! Thank you for your comments
This was a great read 🙂 I often question whether I want children. I think I do? But not right now! As a woman there seems to be a lot of pressure to make the decision sooner rather than later. Thank you so much for sharing your experience 🙂
Rach
I certainly can see why leaving childbirth until later is good for so many women. I think the thing is to do what is best for you and your life. Thank you for reading x
How absolutely awesome that this dream came true for you! I’m so glad it all went well and you have the family you wanted and needed. #DreamTeam
Thank you. It’s amazing how much my life has changed #DreamTeam
Congratulations on your gorgeous little girl, I know a lady who had her first child at 43 and then managed to have another 2 years later #triamphanttales@_karendennis
Thank you Karen.
This post really made me smile. I’m so happy for you. I’m 38 this year and still don’t know if I want another baby, but I often worry that I might not be able to, but your story reassures me that it’s not impossible! Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales
Thank you Jaki. No, at 38 it is certainly not impossible. I would have said that 10 years ago I was still definitely in my prime, and I am sure that you are too!
Thanks for sharing such a lovely story. Clearly everything happens at the right time if it’s meant to be ItsOK
Thank you!
Such a positive read. So happy for you… guess things happen when they’re meant to, and no amount of ‘planning’ can change certain life events. Enjoy mummyhood! Thanks for linking up with #itsok
Thank you. And yes, I’m certainly a believer in things happening at the right time!
So happy for you and what an inspiring story to share – it just shows you that there is always hope #TriumphantTales
Thank you.
I’m 38 now – 39 this year – & would like one more but do worry about my age. This is a refreshing post to read! #itsok
My age didn’t concern me quite as much as my weight did to be honest. Thank fully everything turned out fine.
What a lovely story x When I was 36 I was trying for a baby and I joined a forum for other older mums, your story would have been so inspirational to them, but 15 years on and we had a few inspirational stories of our own. I had my baby at 39 yrs after two years of trying. Then I got pregnant quickly afterwards having another at 41 yrs. At 43 I thought I was starting the menopause when my periods became irregular, but nope, it was another baby! He’s 8 yrs old now and I’m still only peri-menopausal.
I love having young children later in life, I just wish I hadn’t got sick 3 years ago as it’s so hard now. x
#mmbc
Pretty certain I am pre/peri-menopausal too. Its so lovely to hear how you got your family. And sad that your illness makes it hard. x
I am so happy for you and your family! I was 45 when we had our first, mind you, my Mrs., she gave birth, not me. 47 for our second and I am loving every minute. You are only as old as you feel, or let others prescribe to you! Mazel Tov, Mama! #itsok xoxo
Thank you Lisa. We also love every minute. Much love back to you and yours x
Thanks for sharing this article. It gives hope and guidance for older people who are not yet pregnant.
I am so glad I found your blog post on Pinterest. I had two of my children at a very early age and while being in a very toxic relationship. My oldest will have her first just before she turns 23. After being graced by God bringing me the love of my life I k we we both wanted a baby. My mom asked me how I felt if I did get pregnant being that I’d be a Grandmother and a new mom. I told her it would be a dream I’m still dreaming and having fierce faith In getting pregnant naturally (it’s the only way for us and plan to do a home birth should we be blessed by God with child) after having two sticky pregnancies in the past six months I’ve been praying and crying for a sweet baby now that I’m in the proper loving relationship. You being 43, conceiving and birthing a healthy little one gives me renewed hope. Thank you for blessing all of us older moms with you story.
Aw Heather, I do wish you all the best wishes and my hopes that your dream comes true.