Maternal Mental Health And Me

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Maternal Mental Health Matters. Each year there is an awareness week. This is a week focussing on increasing awareness of the mental health issues faced during pregnancy and in the first year after birth. It also helps the mums affected to discover and access the vital help that they need.

Maternal Mental Health And Me

Maternal Mental Health and Me

More than 1 in 10 women develop a mental health issue during pregnancy or in the year after birth. If these are left undiagnosed it can be devastating for all concerned. And as someone who has suffered with depression several times since my 20s I am only too aware of how horrible these feelings are.

My Story

During the last trimester of my pregnancy I suffered severe anxiety. I was overweight before getting pregnant, but then put on additional weight AND had an anterior placenta. This meant that I was often unable to feel my baby movements. In the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy we visited the MAC (Maternity Assessment Centre) on many occasions. Often in the middle of the night. I have always been a worrier, but my anxiety absolutely became all encompassing. It really tested my sanity and relationship with my OH.

Then just after having E  by an emergency c-section, I started to suffer with a lot of unexplained bowel swelling and discomfort. The GP’s couldn’t find a cause, they tried various tablets, and I had several scans but nothing worked. I’d suffered more with bowel issues whilst pregnant, which I later found out was relatively normal and common. Though probably not helped by a case of food poisoning I suffered early on in the pregnancy.

My anxiety probably didn’t help here either. I was overly concerned that it may be bowel cancer (my father had died of this 25 years ago at a relatively young age). The pain and discomfort I went through every day was overwhelming. It affected my work and home life. I was miserable, sleep-deprived, snappy and irritable all of the time. Just not myself.

I felt broken. And occasionally felt angry that I’d had a child. I adored my baby, but I just felt hopeless. I finally went to see my GP, who diagnosed PND and gave me Sertraline. She said the bowel pains may also be PND related. In fact, the Sertraline didn’t help with the bowel pains but did lift the black cloud slightly.

The bowel pains were later diagnosed as being due to adhesions – see this post here.

And I also suffered with stress urinary incontinence. But only when I have a cold. Read more about this here.

Being A Mother

Being a mother can be such a brilliantly loving and rewarding time. But it can also be stressful, overwhelming, exhausting and full on. Especially if you have anxiety. I am quite lucky to be a relatively organised person. But my OCD and other anxious behaviour has not been helped by being a mother. Far from it.

Read about my OCD here.

When E was younger, she had a lot of breathing difficulties when she was asleep. She was diagnosed with sleep apnoea. My anxious mind was constantly awake. When she was asleep she would struggle breathing properly. None of us were sleeping well, and I was constantly referring to the baby monitor. I had a fear that she would suffocate, a fear of SIDS, all the irrational fears motherhood can throw at you. Intrusive and persistent dark thoughts, that may seem irrational to others, but aren’t to you as a mother.

About a year ago I started suffering with panic attacks, and this culminated in a full on attack. It was so bad that I felt like I was having a heart attack. I could not stop shaking, crying and hyperventilating. In the end I went down to A&E. I realised that it was time that things changed.

Maybe it is because I am coming up to the menopause.

I went back to my GP, who increased my Sertraline dose. But other things in life are needed to help me cope.

What Helps For Me?

In the struggle between my maternal mental health and me, I have these things that help me through. Your list may be totally different.

The medication and giving up work also helped, but these aren’t without their issues.

What Helps For You?

Your list may be totally different to mine. Some people find that being busy helps. See Vicky’s post here for her take on how staying busy keeps her sane.

And see this post for some other great tips on what to do when you are feeling low

Are You In Need Of Some Help?

Do speak to your GP, as the first port of call. It can be hard to admit that there is a problem. I was in denial that I couldn’t cope for a while. We all try to be too perfect. And it can feel wrong to admit that we cannot do it all or be in control of it all. Sometimes we do need the help.

NHS England recently announced (April 2019) that they were increasing funding for more perinatal mental health services. This sounds great, until you realise that this money is in no way ‘ring-fenced’. This means that on a local level the money could be used other underfunded services in your area. As ever, write to your MP or local councillor and let your feelings on this matter be known.

Lastly, check out these wonderful Maternal Mental Health sites.


The Blue Dot Project


DO seek the help that you need.


Twin Mummy and Daddy

4 Replies to “Maternal Mental Health And Me”

  1. Kirsty says:

    Your post really resonated with me. I have never suffered with depression before, but have always been anxious to some degree. After having my twins it went off the charts. I had to give up work as I just couldn’t cope with everything I had going on. Turns out it was PTSD after my baby being sick and in and out of intensive care and over time the issues have lessened, but for ages I ignored what was going on and shouldn’t have done. So I love that you are trying to get that message out – we need to ask for help. Thanks for sharing with the #DreamTeam

    1. Jo Boyne says:

      Thank you Kirsty. It’s amazing how much we can all put up with before we snap. Trying to stay strong. Asking for help is not a weakness.


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